empyreus: (foolish)
( Oct. 9th, 2013 07:42 pm)
Things that make me sad: the fact that [livejournal.com profile] yuletide no longer makes me excited. Now I just feel worried and anxious and guilty when the brainstorming and signup posts go up. Why? Because it reminds me of how badly I've lost faith in my skills. Logically, I know I haven't suddenly turned into the worst writer in the world, but it doesn't help. The little voice in the back of my head that says "There are a thousand new writers and they're all cleverer than you and they all know the fandom better than you" keeps getting louder when it should be getting weaker. It makes me feel old, too, because not being able to be excited over challenges and new fandoms also makes me feel like I can't keep up with fandom. Everything moves so fast, and everything is ficced/vidded/capped/gifsetted/meta'd within what feels like seconds. And I stand there thinking "Oh. I've already missed the train on new stuff and can't do anything with it/inspired by it because it's old hat by now", and for some inexplicable reason it makes me feel nervous and inadequate.

I feel old. And out of touch. And like I'm on the outside looking in. And like I should just shut up instead of complaining about non-issues.

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